There are things I wish I could go back in time and tell younger me. “Kate… bitcoin. You have no idea what it is, how on earth it works, or even where it works, but somehow, some way, grab ahold of some nerd and make him/her teach you how to acquire it.” or “Kate.. in 2 years, you’ll want bangs. The hairdresser will advise against it. Listen to her. She’s smart.” y’know, normal stuff. When I was about to have Pickle, I was working at the church, a furbaby mama and a wife that thought our lives were “busy” (hahahahahhhhaaaahhahahahaha….) I remember sitting at my desk, daydreaming about our baby and wishing I could fast-forward past labor and have her in my arms. I remember being TERRIFIED of the unknowns of having a baby. Positive that I would be the one woman on the planet who somehow was unable to deliver a baby and she would just live in my womb until her thirties and then I would have the wisdom and strength to push her out (somehow in the mental psychoticness she was still an adorable little squishy newborn… not a gross slimy Will Ferrell sized grown-up). Like every other woman pregnant with my first baby, I had been on the receiving end of way too many horror stories of what was waiting for me at KGH. Drugs m’friends. Sweet sweet drugs. They were the answer and everything was golden. This is totally unrelated, but I still smirk to myself when I think about the midwife asking me what my “birth plan” was, and I responded “I plan to wing it… and drugs… I plan to have all the drugs” she than proceeded to describe natural pain-relief methods, to which I put said “tut tut tut… don’t need to know… drugs” (sidenote… I quickly realized midwifery care wasn’t a good fit for me and switched 🙂 not saying they are not fantastic at what they do). Anywho. If I could go back to that bright-eyed and rested Kate I would say a thing or two.
Dear me… 4(ish) years ago,
First of all. Be patient with the people trying to give advice and help. I know that you will think that you are the baby expert, and you would be right, you will be, the expert of your baby, because your baby needs you, just as you are. Other moms can’t help it though. Once you are a mom, you speak mom and talk mom and think mom. You are a walking momcylopedia. It’s just what happens. Your world use to revolve around yourself, now it revolves around your baby, and that’s okay, you are supposed to be enamored with that preciousness.
There is no such thing as “normal”. Pregnancy, delivery, parenting… the word “normal” is so vague. It’s so different for everyone, there are so many factors that are going to determine the choices that you make for you and your family and to compare yourself to a book or to someone else is going to feel like you don’t measure up, or you’ll judge people around you and think your way is the only way.
You will be a wonderful mom. Sure, you’ll make mistakes along the way. Somehow, even now, mom of three children ages three and under… I leave the house without a change of clothes for said children and FORGET BUM WIPES!?? What the heck is wrong with me??? Oh right… I HAVE THREE BABIES THREE AND UNDER! I’ll be honest, there are days I’m baking cookies while painting a dresser and singing Moana to my children’s delighted ears. There are other days where I don’t wear a bra from sun up to sun down and I bark orders at everyone like Chef Ramsay – s’all good. When I was about to leave the hospital with Pickle, I just starred with at the nurse with a dear in the headlights look as she checked our carseat, I then proceeded to ask where the screening room was… “S’cuse me… could you point me to the room where they interview me and make sure I’m a fit parent? Also, where can I sign up for the “how to Mom” class and when do I get my license in Newborning?” – there’s no training program… trust your gut and roll with it. You will be a wonderful mom. An epic mom. The best dang mom that that little baby have ever seen. You’ll be their hero, and enjoy it. Wear your mom cape and stretchy pants with pride, these days go by faster than fast. That Pickle is in school BOGGLES MY MIND. I’m trying to figure out what the crap just happened and realizing everyone was right… you blink.
Finally I would say, don’t try to get back to feeling like yourself again. You won’t. You will.. but you won’t. I remember obsessing over getting back into my pre-pregnant jeans. I would work out. Watch what I eat. Jump on the scale religiously and then stare in the mirror at my stretched out belly and my straggly frizzy hair and think “what has happened to me”- give yourself some grace, a friend said to me “9 months in and 9 months off” as in give yourself as much time to recover as you did to make a baby! Relax and enjoy your newborn, your body will go back-ish to the way it was, but don’t focus on that, focus on enjoying the moments and know that your post-baby body is beautiful, it bears the marks of a journey you’ve been on to not only make and deliver a baby, but also you’ve been transformed from the inside out, you’ll never feel like your pre-baby self again because you are a mom now, your whole worldview has changed and you can’t undo that – you love another human in a way you didn’t know possible and you feel the whole range of emotions in those 8 short weeks post-baby like nothing else. Embrace the season you are in and don’t fight to get back to who you were and the way you looked. You’re perfect(ish).
Be blessed.
Love,
Kate
Naptime Renovator 