Note to self* Do NOT watch “Confessions of a Shopaholic” with your husband…
I did.. it was a BIG mistake, he spent most of the movie saying “BABE!… that’s totally you!” and elbowing me ev-er-y-time something reminded him of me… so basically we had a wrestling match for 1+hours of Netflixing… yay.
Here’s the thing about having 2 babies and 1 on the way, it sort of puts everything in perspective and into a weird nosedive at the same time. Like I’m perfectly happy to say no to things and then 2 seconds later panicking about how we are going to afford diapers for #3under3 and then showing Mr Burley and trying to convince him that we NEED a new hair-straightener… “come on! It’ll be an investment! We will all use it”… or my favorite “It’ll be my Christmas gift!”. I have been admittedly more… ahem… “pregnant” lately (translation… crying like a toddler over a commercial with sappy background music one second and then laughing my head off about how hilarious it is that Pickle is cleaning Sweetpea’s Pea puddle with her socks the next…) and as such, much more sporadic as I navigate what I am convinced is the full force of the emotions of two completely separate humans smooshed into one very cramped body.
So there I am, watching this movie about not spending money, and the next thing I know I’m pacing the house halfway between organizing and a serious “mama needs space”kijiji purge. Its as though as my belly gets bigger, and my wardrobe gets tighter I need wide open spaces all around me. I need to be able to spin with my arms flailed out to the side like that lady in the beginning of that movie with lots of singing about being 16 going on 17… Ah yes… FREEEEEE… Fields… not feeling like a whale stuffed into a moomoo… those are the days I am looking forward too.
So when I had my husband pick up a set of couches because hey! they were “for FREEEEEEEEEEE” he was understandably frustrated… I love you Mr. Burley ❤ … the whole point of this random ramble is too just say I’ve been feeling a bit stuck lately. Sort of in a glass case of pregnancy emotion if you will. It’s like watching your life unfold in front of you, but not being able to grasp what is fully going on or knowing what to do next. Its a weird in-between season. I feel too tired to do our family business and yet as I have said before, we bought our house and built our lifestyle around 2 incomes, and so quitting the biz is not what I want or an option at this point. We are needing to find clever ways to make it work that I can be home with our soon to be 3 beautiful girls. I know that these are the days I will one day miss and look back on with fond memories and laugh lines to match just how much joy this season has brought me, but it is the not knowing that can sometimes be tough. Here’s the amazing thing though, even in all the ups and downs and the “what ifs”, my husband and I always come to the same conclusion, “God is Able”. At the end of the day, He is our source of everything. Finances, peace, joy, provision, direction, wisdom… I could literally go on and on as I just think about all the ways He takes care of us. We come to this beautiful point as a family where we look back at the hard times, when Mr. Burley went 4 months without any income or Unemployment coming in and I was on a very lean maternity leave, and God provided, everything. Giftcards for groceries came in the mail, friends passed along the diapers their babies had outgrown.. God had our backs in that season and in every season since. It was a trying time, but it made us stronger, it gave us a go back to point, where we can say, “Yes, this is tough, there are unknowns, but God is our for sure” and I know that for us, THE most important thing in our lives is that we be in The Will of God. Sure, we go back and forth between daydreaming about moving to Hawaii and living off the land and taking up beet farming in a small rural town, but the bottom line is, we want God’s Will for our lives and for our children, that is the safest place to be, everything else, all the stresses, all the emotions, all the finger-print smudges all over the walls (YARG) they will one day be laughlines and memories… faith, hope and love will remain.
That is true freedom. To be free is to be still and know that He is God and He is Able. Everything else will fall into place as you just be. Be His.
Thanks for letting me ramble 😉